Poor Britney

I never thought I would find myself saying something so ludicrous, but here it is:

I feel sorry for Britney Spears.

One minute she’s making a kajillion dollars shaking her bottom on MTV clad in a schoolgirl skirt that wouldn’t pass muster in any classroom in America, dating a Back Street Boy (or was it an N’Syncer…I always get those two boy bands confused, but it’s okay because they’re nearly interchangeable) and lip-synching her way up and down the pop charts.

She was the envy of every female between the ages of Barney and Stridex, and the erotic dream of every male between the ages of Barney and Metamucil.

Now she’s just a tired-looking makeup-challenged SUV-driving new mother.

Recently caught on film behind the wheel of a mom-mobile with her unstrapped new baby in her lap, Spears has become the whipping post for the tongue-clucking set.

Even U.S. Transportation Secretary Norm Mineta has joined in the Britney bashing, calling her “irresponsible.”

Old Norm and the rest of the political correctness patrol need to get over themselves, and get their noses out of Britney’s business.

To be honest, I’ve never much cared for the pop princess, or the poor sartorial and moral example she’s set for our teens.

But she’s getting a bad deal in this instance.

First, let’s give some credit.

At least she was actually with her child, instead of phoning in her motherhood from a tour bus or movie set like so many of today’s Hollywood moms who choose to procreate because they aren’t responsible enough to qualify for a pet adoption at the local pound.

In the video of her alleged misdeed, Britney looks unkempt, frazzled, desperate, and panicked.

Trust me, it has nothing to do with paparazzi.

All new mothers look like this.

It’s an impossible job, with long hours, lousy pay, a thankless employer, and a demanding boss (the baby) who doesn’t believe in coffee breaks, showers, or uninterrupted sleep, much like working for Donald Trump.

The unions should quit trying to organize casino workers and kindergarten teachers and instead focus on getting better working conditions and pay for new moms.

But more importantly, Britney hasn’t done anything heinous or extraordinarily dangerous.

Have a talk with your own parents, the ones who grew up in lead-painted cribs and eating mud pies, and ask them about their first driving experience.

Most of them won’t discuss their awkward attempts trying to parallel-park the family Vista Cruiser.

They will light up with the memory of sitting on their dad’s lap and hanging onto the steering wheel with both hands during a family trip.

Helping dad “drive” the car is one of the most precious bonding moments in a kid’s memory.

Today’s children have been cheated out of this treasure by air bags and a politically-correct society that would rather have kids strapped in like cargo because they MIGHT, theoretically, perhaps, in one out of a million instances, possibly suffer a potential injury in the unlikely event of a rare 20 mph fender bender.

This is the same group of zealots who also think Ritalin is a better child-rearing tool than dad’s firm hand.

Personally, I would rather endure 100 crash-induced head injuries than be politically stripped of that magical moment when dad let this four-year-old sit in his lap and take the wheel.

Britney’s baby is probably too young to be able to remember this moment in years to come.

Fortunately, thanks to home movies courtesy of CNN and Fox News, the kid will be able to relive this bonding moment before he’s old enough to get his first nose piercing.