A Job Well Done

Published in the Desert Valley Times
September 6, 2005

I believe that Benjamin Franklin once wrote “A job well done never need be done again.”
Even if he didn’t write it, he’s a dead public figure, so I’m going to blame him.
Franklin is without a doubt my favorite American, and not just because I’ve heard a rumor that he happens to be on the one-hundred dollar bill.
(I work for the DVT, so I’ve never actually seen a hundred dollar bill.)
While nearly everything Franklin uttered or scrawled was a genuine pearl, I’m afraid old Ben missed the mark by a Philadelphia mile on this one.
There are a lot of tasks that, regardless of how well you do them, you’re going to have to do them again.
Below, I’ve included a list of some of those endless activities.
- Mowing The Lawn. Even if you’re the Michaelangelo of the Briggs and Stratton, the lawn you mowed yesterday will need to be mowed tomorrow. I’m not sure they even had “lawns” back in Franklin’s day, much less lawnmowers. I believe yards back then were called “pastures,” and their lawnmower usually made that “baaaaa” noise and gave wool once a year.
- Taking A Shower. This is something I know about. If there was an Olympic Showering event, my family would be gold medallists. Personally, because I live with three females, I am the amateur sprint showering champion. My wife excels at “power showering,” completing more tasks in one watering than any three carpenters. And one of my daughters would be the all time professional shower marathoner, with showers that seem to last longer than the terms of some presidents. No matter how good those showers may be, another one is always needed tomorrow.
- Cooking. I don’t care if you’re talking about the illegitimate love child of chef Wolfgang Puck and home-making impresario Martha Stewart, that luscious lunch is only going to satisfy for about eight hours. Five in my house. Three when I’m off my diet.
- Cleaning Up After Children Or Husbands. The only way Ben’s statement can be true here is if you simply accept the fact, as many valiant home makers do, that it’s not a series of jobs but one long unending job that lasts until your kids graduate and move out, and your husband takes up golf.
- Doing The Dishes. I almost have this one figured out with the cunning use of paper plates and plastic forks. It’s that “disposable Tupperware on the stove” thing that keeps blowing the deal.
- Laundry. The only way you don’t have to repeat a load of laundry is if you throw the clothes away after you wear them. But that would require a job well paid rather than a job well done.
- Going To The Bathroom. Again, I’m the Charlie Daniels of the toilet seat, but even my best efforts have to be repeated three to four times a day. Ten to twelve times after a visit to Taco Bell.
- Sex. Like the old joke says, “Once a king, always a king, but once a knight is not enough.”

Again, Benjamin Franklin is the epicenter of such philosophical bon mots as “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.”
Unfortunately, when it comes to this particular idiom, Mr. Franklin needs to try again.