Memorial Day

Today marks a unique American tradition known as “Memorial Day.”
As bizarre as the custom of celebrating the death of Jesus by flaunting bunnies delivering eggs and marshmallow-filled baby chicks, it is a holiday where citizens raise a flag and burn hamburgers on the grill in celebration of those who gave their lives in time of war.
I’m not sure of the connection, but there it is.
It has also melted into a generalized acknowledgement of all persons deceased, not just those who died in the service.
My daughter recently asked about the difference between Memorial Day and Veterans Day.
I told her that Veterans Day is basically for those soldiers who actually made it through the war.
That is in no way disrespectful to those courageous souls who made the ultimate sacrifice on behalf of their nation, but a short-hand response small enough to satisfy the curiosity of an MTV-generation teenager.
While we all cherish the extra day off from work, most of us have lost the spirit of the day.
This is evidenced by the wane of Memorial Day parades in most small towns like mine, where a good haircut used to be sufficient cause to roll out the fire trucks and plant the mayor on the back seat of an antique car.
But we’ve lost our bearings on most of our American holidays.
For example, Arbor Day.
Other than some nebulous reference to trees, what is its purpose? How are we supposed to celebrate?
Columbus Day is another big one that has lost its significance in the face of political correctness, where the hero has been knocked from his perch as the valiant discoverer of the western continents down to a land-grubbing, Native American bashing expansionist who exploited a new discovery for its resources.
(Columbus sounds like a good Republican to me, so I don’t understand the conundrum.)
Independence Day has managed to maintain its patriotic symbolism, where we basically paint anything that will sit still long enough with red, white, and blue, then blow stuff up with colorful explosives at the end of the day.
Even a major holiday like Christmas has evolved from a celebration of the birth of the Savior into a day featuring a jolly guy in a red suit and a Welfare state of mind, handing out toys to kids.
It has become so absurd with protests by every nut-job anti-religion and alter-religion group that it won’t be long before the word “Christmas” will join Carlin’s list of the seven words you can’t say on TV.
And Labor Day?
Even I can’t figure that one out. My best guess is that it must have been some bargaining chip forced by the UAW somewhere along the way, back when unions actually had a place at the social and political table.
If truth-in-advertising laws really worked, we would just be honest and rename Memorial Day and Labor Day as Start Day and Finish Day, because their best use is as the demarcation points of the beginning and ending of public schools’ summer vacation.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have charcoal to nurture.