Humor columnist Morris Workman shares his "odd-servations" and twisted perspectives on small-town living, national news, sports, and societal whims. His wit and gentle satire are designed to make you smile, make you laugh, and mostly, make you think.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Dueling Lawsuits

Back in the good old days, when America got into a snit with another country, bombs usually ensued.
Now, the “New America” has taken the path of wimps and scam artists everywhere.
Instead of relying on good old fashioned bomb payloads, the U.S. is going…
…to court.
The U.S. and the new European Union are going toe to toe in the World Trade Organization court, with claims and counterclaims flying all over the place.
Ironically, the flying claims revolve around airplane manufacturers.
It seems that America’s big airplane maker, Boeing, is unhappy because the French had the nerve to actually design and build a plane that is bigger and better than anything we have to offer.
Once upon a time, the American spirit would have dictated that we simply pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps and build a new and better mousetrap to regain superiority.
Today, we instead choose to whine and do what most weaklings do at the first sign of an imagined slight, which is to sue somebody.
The lawsuit claims that the European airplane manufacturer Airbus, which has been steadily eating Boeing’s lunch for the last decade, was able to gain a financial edge because of contributions from several European governments, leading to their production of the biggest and most fuel-efficient airplane in the world.
The response by the French was, well, typically French.
They’re suing us back.
The French claim that the U.S. has been subsidizing Boeing for decades.
To be honest, I’m not sure that the U.S. government’s involvement with Boeing could be construed as a benefit to the airplane maker.
After all, NASA is almost completely funded and run by the U.S. government, and only three of the five space shuttles operated by that partnership have managed to stay in one piece.
In other words, 40% of the flying machines built by the U.S. agency have suffered horrendous crashes, which isn’t a very reassuring flight safety record.
The truth is that the red, white, and blue emporer isn’t wearing any clothes.
Our government shouldn’t be in the airplane business.
If Boeing can’t do a better job of staying ahead of the competition on their own, (remember, the competition is French, for crying out loud!), they deserve to join their counterparts Studebaker, DeLorean, and American Motors on the bankrupt corporation trash heap.
If our airplane companies aren’t good enough, then maybe we no longer deserve the title as the best country in the world.
And our world image isn’t improved by whining to an international court.

9 Comments:

Blogger Workman Chronicles said...

"Keep up or shut up."
Oooh, good one!
And you're right...Bush missed a big chance here.
I guess the message is clear.
Mess with our oil and we'll send in the bombers.
Mess with our airlines and we'll send in the lawyers.

*Morris

7:11 AM

 
Blogger michelle said...

damn this is a hard one to comment on...I might step on some of my American friends toes...but here goes and my apologys for anything that might insult of piss anyone off.......

Hmmmmmmm I had a longgggg answer but after reading it I deleted cause my views might not be appreciated but thanks for making me think about them....and thanks for stopping by my new blog!!!

8:36 AM

 
Blogger Scott Garner said...

Being of french descent myself (Garner is the Americanized version of Garnier, you know, the hair products people), I occasionally have the uncontrollable urge to surrender to somebody. Personally, I think Boeing's argument is comepletely faulty because they receive plenty of government funding, but very little of it is for commercial development.

Of course, if you ARE going to bomb the bejeezus out of somebody, Boeing has some state-of-the-art equipment you might want to take a look at.

8:49 AM

 
Blogger BJC said...

There isn't a sector of the economy that doesn't benefit from increased competition. If not the company directly, the consumer benefits.

Of course, if Boeing can't hack it in the commercial airline industry, I think Bill Gates could use some company.

12:02 PM

 
Blogger Workman Chronicles said...

Aww, Michelle, I was counting on ya! Being from Canada, you're as close to being French as anyone I know, without being French enough to be offended.

Scott, you gave me a whole new perspective! You're absolutely right. Boeing doesn't need lawyers or Uncle Sam's help. They have perfectly good guided missiles of their own stashed in some forgotten closet, I'm sure. We just need to find some deserted piece of ocean, toss Boeing and Airbus into the same time zone, and let these two work it out.

Kenbob, your analogy is even closer than that. Just like the 2004 Olympic Dream Team (which turned out to be a nightmare for American basketball fans), Boeing has become arrogant and cocky, thinking their history and reputation should be enough to intimidate others into abeyance.

I think you have an excellent idea, Brad. I believe Bill Gates could turn Boeing around.
Of course, they would still wind up in the WTO court three years from now, after Gates devises a new airplane landing gear that uses rails as a runway, then convinces airports all over the world to convert their runways to accomodate only the Gates planes, then charging licensing fees to Airbus and Tupolev for the right to retrofit their planes with the rail landing gears. And of course, since the modified rail landing gears would have incompatibility problems, TV news cameras would be treated to horrendous crashes of Airbus A-380's about twice a week.

(Looking back over the spawning post and this diatribe, I look like a war-mongering death fanatic, which is the furthest thing from the truth. I'm not even an Oakland Raiders fan!)

*Morris

9:51 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why fight the competition when you can fight for compensation?

The worst part about this whole mess is it weakens both the U.S. and France, while pouring unimaginable amounts of added clout to the WTO.

2:42 AM

 
Blogger michelle said...

Je ne said quoi.......LOL
My french is realllyyyyyyy weak after many years of not using it. Thanks for stopping by Morris and answering my questions about the Daily news, they really helped me. The only reason I know where Mesquite is from a CSI episode...LOL

11:52 AM

 
Blogger Workman Chronicles said...

As usual, you're right, pt2k. Even at the international level, nobody wins in court except the lawyers.

Thank goodness for TV, eh Michelle? I should write a new book called "Everything I Needed To Know I learned on CBS."

*Morris

7:04 PM

 
Blogger Jack Steiner said...

Maybe Boeing will take some time to work on building a better plane. We can hope.

11:42 PM

 

Post a Comment

<< Home