Price Gouging

Every time the wind blows hard, some politician stands up and makes menacing remarks about the legal woes that will befall anyone who dares to gouge victims for things like ice, water, plywood, generators, and bourbon.
(For any of you who have actually gone through a category three hurricane, you know that liquor is an important survival commodity).
I’ve never actually heard of someone doing time for charging $6 a gallon for drinking water after a catastrophe, so I guess our “justice expectation meter” shouldn’t be too surprised that gouging on a mammoth scale will never be a crime.
I’m referring to the recent admission by Exxon/Mobil that they set a new record for third-quarter profits, earning $9.9 billion from July through September.
Remember September?
When leaves were falling?
Along with trees, buildings, and Volvos?
If I remember correctly (and I should, since I haven’t endured any hurricanes since moving to Nevada, so my bourbon supply is nearly untouched), the oil companies claimed that they were nearly wiped out by Hurricane Katrina and Hurricane Rita, which damaged oil refineries, oil platforms, and just about everything except stock options.
And yet, with less product available (according to them), they managed to set a new record.
Does anything sound odd to you?
Of course, the oil companies insist that they didn’t gouge.
I’m sure they set a new cha-ching record thanks to a sudden rash of drive-thru oil changes.
Or that there was a nationwide rush on silencing rusty door hinges.
It couldn’t possibly be that they were charging $3.30 a gallon for gasoline that they bought, shipped, refined, and stored at 90 cents a gallon, then took advantage of a panicked country that bought the petroleum line of impending gas rationing and potential legions of gas pumps wearing “out of gas” signs.
Fortunately, our sitting president is a former Texas oil man, so he knew exactly what to do.
He did what he does best.
Nothing.
(Before my Republican friends start calling for my head and other critical body parts, let me remind you of Mr. Bush’s “actions” and how they turned out. To be honest, I prefer his inactivity.)
So now, mysteriously, the price of gas has gone down.
Some.
Trust me, we’ll never see gasoline under $2.50 a gallon again in my lifetime, but we’re to the point where we’re referring to $2.75 as “reasonable.”
But I suspect that will only last until the next natural disaster.
And it doesn’t have to involve hurricanes.
I’m sure that Exxon and Texaco and the rest of the oil bandits already have their marketing departments working on ways to capitalize on other temper tantrums by Mother Nature.
For example, don’t be surprised if the next California earthquake is accompanied by oil companies lamenting the rupture of some mythical pipeline that will disrupt petroleum distribution for months.
A series of twisters through America’s heartland will be responsible for ripping up oil derricks all through the Midwest, devastating our oil supply.
And the first serious Alaskan snowfall will be the causative factor in shortages all over the country, as critical pipelines will freeze and oil tankers will be harbor-bound by ice floes.
They’ve found a new way to suck deeper into our wallets.
And if the oil companies are noted for anything, they’re known for how much they suck.